Snail Trails, Escargot, and Other Dubiously Slimy Things

Caution: Proceed at your own risk. This post talks about boogers. Green ones.

From a young age we are taught that 'sharing is caring'. And I agree to a POINT. But I also believe that this adage has a few exceptions. Sharing is NOT caring when it comes to the following: toothbrushes. boyfriends. razors. and germs. In my book, none of those things are ok to be sharing. That's where I draw the line. You are definitely not caring when you share them.

In my classroom, I have control over most of those things. But regrettably those nasty germs like to join in on our social skills lessons on sharing and spread their...influence. Despite hand washing, hand sanitizer, and copious amounts of clorox wipes we still have sickness getting spread around my class.

A month ago it was the stomach flu. This week it is the pernicious cold. You know, the one with the nasty cough that gets all the gunk in your lungs. The same one that makes you congested in your entire head. You're not sure how you can blow your nose every 3.7 seconds and still have slime coming out. But you do.

A majority of my students have this. We've worked on wiping your nose with a tissue. And when they are reminded, they do pretty well. (We haven't been able to get down the blowing part yet. Baby steps.) A majority of the time, however, when they have a need to wipe the ever encroaching green slime they use the first thing they see. Which usually ends up being some limb. Generally the arm.

And then they wipe. And the wiping leads to... a snail trail.


Snail trails. I'm not talking about the residual effect of an actual snail's blatant pathway. Nope. We all have seen someone who has had a moist boogey slowly sliding down their face and then they pull out...anything BESIDES a tissue. And then the L O N G wipe proceeds to take place. Generally working its way up from hand to elbow.

Welcome to my class.

On one particular occasion this week we had a student getting over said cold. His nose was green and goobery. Poor kid. I don't how he even had room for a brain up there with all of the boogers he had stored. I'd want to get rid of them if I were him.

Wanting to relieve himself from the discomfort he naturally reached for the closest thing to him. Which happened to be his sleeve. And true to the character of 5 year olds, he started at the bottom by his sleeve and worked his way up to his elbow.

And do you know what he found at the end of that snail trail? A sizable loogie. It almost looked like an actual snail that had crawled its way up and deposited himself in the crevice of his elbow. And in his little 5 year old heart I can only imagine the thoughts he had. But I'm guessing it was something along the following lines.
'Wow! This is cool! What is it? How did it get here? I wonder how it tastes....'
He found gold at the end of the rainbow!

This 'lucky' discovery got him so excited, that he bent over and then ate said deposit. Just ATE IT!! Although I've never personally eaten escargot, I can confidently say eating it would give me the same reaction that I proceeded with.

I tried my best to mask my obvious disgust. By coughing I was able to avoid dry heaving, even though that is exactly what I wanted to do. My overly active imagination felt the snot falling down my throat. It was too much! My aide and I proceeded to try and get him cleaned up, but the damage was already done.

What is it with kids and wanting to suck on their own snot?

Now you're probably wondering, why I was such a horrible teacher to not catch him in the act sooner. This kid was a ninja! It was wipe. eat. done. I sat their helplessly as he swallowed. Stunned.

I guess on the bright side it couldn't have gotten him any sicker than he already was. How much damage did it actually cause? Probably none. But it still grossed the heck out of me.

I guess there are perks to a desk job. You probably don't watch your co workers make a snail trail and then eat it. At least I hope not. It's ever so slightly less gross when a 5 year old does it.

But I think the pros of my job far out way the days that involve unnecessary amounts of tissues and hand sanitizer.

"Together We Fit"
-Nicole